ANDY HUMPHREY

Conchology for Beginners

The book was very clear

this wasn’t the way to do it.

Each specimen needs

its label, its where and when.

There was no scientific value

in boyish dredging

across acres of wet Welsh shingle,

cramming the pockets

of a sodden blue cagoule.

Limpets, topshells, tellins. Winkles

the colour of holiday breakfasts:

ketchup, egg yolk, bacon.

Nearly forty years later

those shoe-box treasures

wash up again: the flotsam

of a forgotten cupboard, an empty loft.

Mussels, dog whelks,

razor-shells

higgledy-piggledy,

out of context

and miles from where they belong.

They smell of chalk and Germolene.

I picture myself

walking those shores

shoe-box in hand,

briny indents in my wake.

With each step I’ll choose a shell

putting each one back

in the place that seems most natural.

I’ll follow that wrack-strewn tideline –

Ty Goch, Cow Cove, Abersoch sands –

to the peninsula’s end.

Offer my empty box

to the grateful sea.

Watch it soak.

Sink. Slide under.

Litanies, October 1982

The angel of the Lord

declared unto Mary

                                      Those days were bounded

                                      in ritual:

                                      League division one:

                                      Arsenal 2, West Bromwich Albion nil

and she conceived

by the Holy Ghost.

                                      the final whistle,

                                      the twelve o’clock bell,

                                      Aston Villa 3, Watford nil

Behold the handmaid

of the Lord.

                                      standing to recite the prayer

                                      while a man in black presided,

                                      Coventry City 1, Notts County nil

Be it done unto me

according to Thy Word.

                                      altar-marble austere. Later,

                                      homework, bed. Saturdays

                                      Liverpool nil, Manchester United nil

And the Word was made flesh

and dwelt among us.

                                      the lights of the Mersey Tunnel,

                                      the dock road smells, my Nan’s.

                                      Luton Town versus Ipswich Town

                                      is a late kick-off

Pray for us,

o Holy Mother of God,

                                      Dad, tired from I didn’t

                                      know what, and half asleep

                                      Norwich City nil, Tottenham Hotspur nil

that we may be made worthy

of the promises of Christ.

                                      in Nan’s armchair

                                      until the pools news

                                      Nottingham Forest 1, Birmingham City 1

Pour forth, we beseech thee,

o Lord, thy grace into our hearts

                                      and never enough

                                      score draws.

                                      Stoke City 3, Brighton & Hove Albion nil

that we, to whom the incarnation

of Christ thy Son was made known

by the message of an angel

                                      Sundays were Mass,

                                      and roasts, and baths,

                                      Swansea City nil, Everton 3

may by His passion and cross

                                      uneasy sleep until

                                      the Monday-morning rush:

                                      League Division 4

                                      Chester City 1, Mansfield Town 3

be brought to the glory

of His resurrection

                                      cereal, toast and tea, brush teeth,

                                      cheese butties for later,

                                      Tranmere Rovers 1, Peterborough United nil

through the same Christ

our Lord. Amen.

                                      and the Angelus-bell

                                      ringing again.

                                      York City 1, Wimbledon 4

Andy Humphrey has published two collections of original poetry, A Long Way to Fall (Lapwing Press, ISBN 978-1-909252-40-0, 2013) and Satires (Stairwell Books, ISBN 978-1-939269-16-4, 2015). He lives in York and works as a solicitor. https://www.writeoutloud.net/profiles/andyhumphrey.

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